


Pity Wig

by deinvati, flosculatory, IAmANonnieMouse, storm_of_sharp_things



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Round Robin, Thrift Shop AU, inceptgen, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:54:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26739922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deinvati/pseuds/deinvati, https://archiveofourown.org/users/flosculatory/pseuds/flosculatory, https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmANonnieMouse/pseuds/IAmANonnieMouse, https://archiveofourown.org/users/storm_of_sharp_things/pseuds/storm_of_sharp_things
Summary: Glitter is really craft herpes, you know?(alternatively: this is what happens when you take the team to a thrift shop and find a glittery wig)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 14
Collections: InceptGen





	Pity Wig

**Author's Note:**

> For the [InceptGen](https://inceptgen.tumblr.com) prompt "Thrift Shop!"
> 
> If any of you were even slightly curious about how this happened:  
> Step 1: Storm said, _hmmm. I should be writing two or three other things, why do I have a sudden inspiration for Saito gravely trying on a glitter wig from a thrift shop at Ariadne's pleas?_  
>  Step 2: Storm sent the first three lines of this fic  
> Step 3: Mousie added another line of dialogue  
> Step 4: Storm added another line  
> Step 5: Flos and Dei realized what was going on  
> (Step 5.a: _Moooom! Storm and Mousie are writing a fic together!_ )  
> Step 6: Flos and Dei added lines of their own  
> Step 7: Many lines were written, many messages sent  
> Step 8: A fic was born

"I have already lived through the 80s once..."

"Put it on! I _promise_ I won't take a picture!"

Dom leaned close to Yusuf. "No one else is promising, right?" he whispered.

Arthur leaned in to both of them. “I hacked the security camera before we came here. Don’t worry.”

Dom blanched. “I wish I’d known that before I tried on that...costume…”

“Nonsense, Dom!” Eames said with a grin. “Thanks to you, this year’s holiday card will be the best _yet!_ ”

Saito walked over to them and stoically said, “Ariadne requested I ask your opinion on my ‘new look.’”

Behind him, Ariadne was gesticulating wildly. It was unclear what, exactly, she was trying to communicate to them.

Arthur tapped his mouth thoughtfully. “I can redirect her, but it will cost you half your share of this job.”

“I was unaware you offered tourists a share in the job at all,” Saito said, eyebrows arched.

Eamed choked back a laugh.

“Your share of this job is the direct profits you’ll make after the mark backs out of the contract. Easily calculated, I assure you.”

Eames nudged Saito. “Offer him two suits from your tailor.”

Saito hummed. “Perhaps, Mr. Arthur, we could discuss this in more detail at a later date.”

Arthur nodded. “I’m sure we can come to an agreement, Mr. Saito.”

Eames nudged Yusuf. “Are they flirting in front of us?” To Dom, he added, “Think of the children!”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Ariadne,” he called. “You know who _really_ needs a thrift store makeover?”

Her eyes took on a feverish glitter, and she glanced once at Dom before turning her gaze to hover between Yusuf and Eames.

“Oh, no you don’t,” Yusuf said, holding his hands up in front of himself defensively. “There is no making this over. I love myself, and more importantly, my cats do, too!”

Arthur snorted. “Cat hair comes free with most of this stuff, don’t worry.”

Yusuf turned to him, mouth open to deliver a diatribe full of self-righteous anger, but Eames stepped neatly between them and declared, “I will only agree to an Ariadne makeover if I can get a wig like Saito’s.”

Saito whisked it off and offered it to him. “You and Arthur will both benefit from this deal.”

Dom leaned in to Yusuf and said, “I don’t understand who is flirting with who anymore.”

“Whom, Mr. Cobb,” Saito said calmly.

“Either way,” Dom continued, “I don’t think I get flirted with enough! Do you guys not think I’m attractive?!”

Everyone quickly looked away.

“Do you want an Ariadne makeover that badly?” Eames asked, eyes wide. “Dom, you could’ve just asked! I’m happy to give my appointment to someone who needs it more.”

“Much more,” Yusuf muttered.

Eames took the glittery wig out of Saito’s hands and immediately passed it to Dom. “Here you are, mate. Go wild.”

“I don’t want your pity wig!” Dom said with a huff and stomped out of the shop. They all turned to Ariadne simultaneously, and she sighed. 

“I’ll go after him.”

As soon as she was out of earshot, Eames murmured, “Pity wig,” and Arthur and Yusuf broke into laughter. Even Saito cracked a smile.

Arthur cracked his knuckles. “Right. Mission Distract Ariadne accomplished…”

“You never planned all that!” Eames put his hands on his hips. “Best point man in the business or not, you _never_ came up with all of that just now.”

Arthur smirked and said nothing.


End file.
